1. |
no ground
08:05
|
|||
|
These words they don’t feel like mine
feelings don’t feel aligned with me
I want to be feeling
beautiful and free
I don’t want to be deceived by you or me
I don’t want to be like this
but you left me without a sound
you left me without wording it
you left me
I can feel it
but you didn’t say
a word
I could feel it
but you keep requiring
don’t really know how I feel
I don’t have the words to describe me
you left me with no ground
you left me without a sound
you left me no ground
you left me without a sound
(x2)
and you were not to blame
you’re not to blame
I was the one convincing you
wanting so badly to be loved by you
I was the one showing you how it could be
I was the one giving you
this opportunity
you left me with no ground
you left me without a sound
but therefor I ask myself
did you ever love me?
did you ever see what I saw in us
did you ever feel the way I do
did you ever dream of anything with me
now I’m craving moonlight
to purify my soul
craving the divine
creeping through my body
so I can feel
so I can feel whole again
I want to be whole again
I want to function without you
I don’t want to see you
everywhere I go
I don’t want to bother you
with me anymore
you left me without a sound
you left me no ground
you left me without a sound
you left me with no ground
(x2)
without a sound
no ground no ground no grounding
without any sound
no grounding you left me ungrounded
without a sound from you
you left me ungrounded
without a sound
|
||||
2. |
akasha
09:46
|
|||
|
Now I feel to let go
must be easy for all of us
I feel this could work
I feel I could be better
better this time
I didn’t ever use to believe
that I could do it
all by my self at least
with all those insecurities
worries that accompany me
now
I can’t even name them
I don’t want to frame them
for you
I will be me
without any names
I will be free
free of shame
I wish I could
ask for touch
I wish I could say
I am not enough
I wish I were
but unfortunately I’m not
I need someone
to mirror my mellow beliefs
about how I could be
if I was a little further ahead
further than that
now I feel
I feel grateful
for this gift I share
I share with god
that is inside me
that is ahead
and behind me
surrounding my shadow
surrounding my mellow mind
I feel I’m ready
what else is there to do
I feel I’m ready
ready to consume you
ready for you
I’m ready for your light
I’m ready to shine
ready to shed my masks
oh so many masks
still between you and me
what shall I call you
who do you want to be
for me
akasha akasha akasha
akasha akasha (...)
my mother
|
||||
3. |
christmas 2019
05:48
|
|||
4. |
für Savta
07:31
|
|||
5. |
new song same old me
07:26
|
|||
|
I said I would be there
I said I would be
I said I would be me
I said I would be someone I could never be
I don’t know if I can be with you
if I would wanna be with me, too
I don’t know if I can stay
or if I would just disappear again
I don’t know if I can remain the same
I don’t know if I am enough
I don’t know if you are
I don’t know if I am just a dream
I don’t know if you are just a fantasy
I don’t know so much at all
I don’t know if I am right or wrong
I don’t know if that even exists
I don’t know anything
you would do anything for me
I don’t know if I deserve even half of it
I don’t know if I would do the same
I don’t know if I would do anything again
you ask ‚do you need time for yourself‘
I had even forgotten that would be an option
that’s what I do
I forget myself in you
that’s not cause I don’t love who I am
it’s more like I’m amazed by all the things that you are
more like I’m embracing
holding the space for you to see yourself
see you in a way that only I could so far
|
||||
6. |
will you come back?
13:35
|
|||
|
It’s been a year since you left this realm
and I don’t know how many times
since I last tried to reach you
feels like I lose track all the time
lose the connection
to my own essence
I don’t know who I am again
I don’t know where I’m going
I forgot who I was and what I came here to say
I remember I once wanted to make the world
a better place
and along the way I somehow
lost myself
I lost my space
The one I gave to myself
I lost my grace
trying to prove it
I lost my smiles and the groove
that used to push me through
the rough times
can I only rise
when I’m covered in dust
I wanna be free to impact
with love and gratitude
not fall back every time I lose touch
I’m creating my own destiny
and I am taking responsibility
for what I see and how I feel
I think it’s mainly because I am stuck with ideas
that belong no-where but the past
that I lose touch
with myself trying to connect
to who I was
but that girl is long gone
it’s like I’m in a cave
with no mask on
it’s dark and I can’t find the line
my breath is getting low
and my judgements are high
thinking I can do better than that
I have little to no respect
for how far I’ve come
where is that coming from?
who told me
that I would never make it
when I was young
clearly wasn’t you
who always believed in me
it was you who told me
I could get anything that I only
believed in
you said I could be anyone
and already was everything
for you there was nothing to achieve
if you could just remind me of me
and who I used to be for you
maybe I could be enough
can you please
come back
remember who I was
could you bring me some memories
of the stars
I think I truly miss that part of life
here
being weightless and spaceless
only awareness
floating through timelessness
being presence
my essence
being love
this light
too small to see for your eyes
too much to grasp with your mind
will you come back to meet me
in this life?
shaped as a human, deer or butterfly
will you come back for me
to recognise
life
|
||||
7. |
where do I draw the line
10:11
|
|||
|
I don’t know how to love you anymore
I don’t know if it ever will be like before
I don’t know how to be myself when you’re around
I don’t know
cause all I want
is lost
where did I go
how did I go lost
what do I avoid
and what’s going on
I don’t know the way out
I forgot where I belong
it’s said space is only noise that you can see
I say is noise is only space
made up of matter
and yea I wish I was that kind of
cosmic oracle channel
but I’m just me
could I be happy
when I’m just me
can I be satisfied
will I drown myself a hundred times more
in melancholy
I think I’m searching for the drama
that’s why it keeps coming back
and then I wonder
what does it have to do with me
how do I find my way back
how do I tell him I don’t think I’m ever coming back
to how I used to feel
for you
I don’t know how to see
through who you should be
all that I can tell is I like your style
but not so much how you speak
when you’re not aware
aren’t you supposed to mirror me
am I really that bad
am I supposed to grow
from that
and where do I draw the line
when will I decide
that it’s better to go my own way
and give up the fight
where do I draw the line
between shadows and moonlight
|
||||
8. |
||||
|
I try to surrender
without trying too much
trusting in my divinity
my eternal being
trusting that I will find peace
trusting that I can’t be wrong
when I surrender
to my design
and I come clean
I want to be myself and be free
I wanna invent myself everyday new
without trying to be cool
I don’t know if you’re right for me
I don’t know if I trust what I see
I don’t know you
and your needs
I don’t know if you feel what you feel
and if you’d want to be with me
more than any other one
and I don’t know why I still seek
to be so special
do I not believe my own eyes
do I not believe how I feel
how I feel how I feel how I feel
could I really do better
or is that an idea of my mind
is that an idea what I see how I feel
or is that divine
is that okay to be me
am I enough
is that okay to be me
is that not too much
can I express my needs
and worries
can I express how I feel
without being judged
can I be myself today
can I feel
complete when I say
that I’m not enough today
now I can feel how I tried to be someone else
I did not recognise my gifts
I did not recognise their worth
I try to change so I could be accepted
by those I can’t feel
I know my purpose is right here
I know my gifts are the same like my shadows
only made of light
shadows made of light
made of light
|
||||
9. |
||||
|
Didn’t I always
dream of language made of light
didn’t I always
want to shine
quite bright
they called me a star
it wasn’t my fault
I didn’t choose
or maybe I am just blindfolded
I have no idea where I come from
or since when I’m here
on this earth
I have no idea where I’m going
have difficulties to define
where I belong
I have no desire
to find out today
I have no requirements
I have no faith
and I don’t need anything
in return
I’m only here
to learn and to grow
out of this whole
polarity
out of this wholesome
beautiful little
lucid dream
that we all share
that we all care for
that we all love
that we all want to preserve
each in their own way
our own limitations
our own destinies
our own destinations
I’m on my own path
I wear my own divine light
that shines
so bright yea it shines
it shines
in different colours
different shades
different ways
different ways
different embraces
we all have our own stories
we all have our own perception
isn’t that the beauty
and how it’s so complex
isn’t that what you love
to experience
for you are garden you are whole
and you only watch
what ever is going on
what ever stories are
to be written and lived
to be embraced
to be written and lived
to be sung and played
yea you can watch
enjoy the ride
you don’t have such a
simple mind
you are complete
you are the universe
you’re infinite
you are already perfect
but I am only human
I’m only here to learn
I am only human
I’m only here to learn
I’m here to learn
and I’m here to play
I’m here to fall
and I’m here to get up again
so I can repeat
until I heal
I can repeat
my destiny
I wonder is it only
always the same one
I wonder have I only
this reality of my perceptive eyes
human being
you’re so divine
and yet so limited
you hold yourselves back
even though you know
that you are in love
why would you show
this is your life
it is not mine
I’m just here to play my part
I’m just here to play my part
|
||||
10. |
narcissistic self-love
05:41
|
|||
|
Sometimes I’m lacking all the words
I can’t even find
tell you the feeling inside myself
say where it came from and how to resolve it
I don’t know who I belong to
I think the only one is truly myself
and now they are calling me a narcissist
I didn’t even know what that meant
I don’t even know how to relate anymore
I can’t say where is this all my fault
and I don’t wanna deflect my guilt
I’m trying to love what is
and not give up myself who is
only ever inside myself
only ever inside my cells
I thought that was taking care
I thought the word was ‚self-love‘
now my very own friends
call me narcissistic instead
if I see lack of self-love
that is only proving them right
I feel so lost in my own world
I don’t even know where home went
I don’t know if I ever belonged
I don’t know if I ever will
where do you draw the line
what is alright and what is not
I think you’re judging quite a lot
you said you’re only naming what already is
naming what is
how come I’m feeling so at peace with myself
when I’m alone with Lila in a cave
looking at a city that’s distant enough from me
not feeling it too much
how come when you come around
I put my walls up and don’t let anyone through
what am I protecting myself of
what am I so very afraid of
what is it that you do with me
that I feel like hiding
my eternity
|
||||
11. |
01-Stella-consolidated
05:31
|
|||
|
I think I might be slowly going going mad
there’s a part of me that can see the future and that knows my worth at all times
yet there’s another part that never knows where to start
that always doubts my abilities
that’s a little lost in far out fantasies
partly stuck in a possible past life
always shifting between illusion and sight
oh my mind tends to hide the truth from me
instead is showing off with abstract memories
nothing ever happened the way I perceive it now
which makes me wonder why bother recall
people talk about being present but what does it mean?
you can’t be present while you think or dream
you have to be presence itself
the essence you are to explore what it feels like to be present
people talk about mirroring but what does it mean?
are you mirroring me, am I mirroring you, is that the same thing?
I think what it means is I see god in you
and if you see it in yourself you’ll see it in me, too
yea we came so far and yet we’re still here
we’re moving in circles, repeat until we heal
we’re moving in circles ’til we understand
that I’m no better than you, nor more or less special
we all are trying our best but we are here for different purposes
now where do we belong?
you can belong where ever you want
I recommend somewhere you feel like yourself
it’s easy to find others to love us when we crumble and adept
but when you dare to love yourself the exact way that you are
others will love you just the same
trust your essence no-one can guide you to your bliss
but presence will always try to remind you
here is where the past won’t frame
who we are and the future is merely an idea
is merely an idea, is merely an idea
no matter how fucked up your mind seems at times
you’ll never lose the right to dream
you’ll never lose the right to dream
you’ll never lose the right to dream
the right to dream the right to dream
the right to dream (…)
|
||||
Lua Berlin, Germany
I am Lua. Human. Vulnerable. Unapologetic. This is fragments of my journey that I thought I would never share. These are voice memos from my phone that I recorded for myself to help me capture my feelings in that moment. You could say this is a bunch of unfinished songs resembled by an unfinished painting. You can call it whatever, take from it what you need. ... more
If you like Lua, you may also like:
Tasmanian guitarist Julius Schwing embraces the visceral sounds of finger playing, incorporating them into his experimental guitar work.
go to album
First Live (featuring Kenny Wollesen, Erland Dahlen & Berke Can Özcan)
by Big Beats Big Times
Recorded live in Istanbul in 2013, this drum-forward collaboration features three sharp players at their improvisatory best.
go to album
Written in response to the climate crisis, “Leviathan” is a brooding and beautifully unsettling batch of dark ambient songs.
go to album
EG2: Dowsing Voice
by Emma Ruth Rundle
The experimental artist's latest album is a guided meditation into darkness.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio May 7, 2013
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Aug 29, 2017
go to album
all the songs i know about fire
by bodies of divine infinite and eternal spirit
The experimental post-punk collective plunges headfirst into the mysteries of love, death, life, transmutation, and transcendence.
go to album
